I've been thinking alot lately, I guess I go in circles. Life is a series of circles. I was thinking alot of last year this time, how painful it was, how good it was, how stressful, fun, exciting..it was alot of things.

One thing, it's good not to be emo all the time. It's good to see the person who was emo with me, not be emo anymore either. We didn't deserve that bullsh, but we let it happen, and pretty much asked for it. I don't get it really, we are such cool girls, but we got fucked over for a good while, her more than I. It was fun going to all those shows, but damn, was it heart-wrenching at times. You would never think that we cried and stuff. I donno, I think we pulled ourselves together nicely, we had each other's backs and we finally fucking made it out of there

a l i v e.

On the other hand, I kinda miss it. Every show, I hoped that he would take me back, and then he never gave me the time of day, so then me and Heather would both be excited before the shows, and then both drive home wishing we wouldn't make it home. (I'm pretty sure that we both felt that way, but I could be mistaken.) I don't even know why I cared so much. I really don't. I guess I have a hard time of letting go of things and people that I cared so much about when I'm not prepared to.

All the heartbreak and torture I put myself through was worth it. I'm glad that I met Matt because that is how I met Heather. Even if he doesn't like me, it's still worth it. It's weird, I can honestly say that I like her as a person, which may sound like "ok, you're dumb, why wouldn't you like her?" but it's different with me. My dad always told me that I'm too picky with friends. But it's just why make friends if I can't relate to them, and they don't relate to me. It makes for boring nights that are so quiet the crickets chirping is audible. So anyways, I really like her, I think we're alot of like. We have our differences, but for not being raised in the same area, going to the same school, church, any other organized organizations, we're pretty damn similar. I think her sense of humor makes alot of sense to me, I just find it really humorous, I know Butchie can attest to that, cuz he's always making fun of me cuz I laugh at everything she says. Especially now, because I don't see her that much, and no one around here is funny all these dumb generic people at school are just boooring, all they care about is talking about their awesome DUI's they got over the weekend...woo...I don't care.

Hm this is already too long, hopefully I remember what else I wanted to talk about so I can finish this later. (Note to Self: Life at Present)